In my informal interview with Reddit yesterday while cross promoting my blog, I got asked a question about all the characters that show up in my shop. It's absolutely true of pretty much every cigar shop - we get a lot of odd customers.
My favorite customers are, of course, my regulars. The guys I can really nail down the palate of really appreciate my memory when I really hit on a new recommendation. These customers have the most long-term psychological benefit for me at the store, because if anything wears you down in the retail business, it's an endless torrent of people who simultaneously want and know nothing about your product. I will never be a pharmacy rep.
An added benefit of my regular customers is that they fill up the store and give it the appearance of desirable business. Newcomers are wary when it's just them and I in the store, which thanks to our operational model is fairly frequent. Having a few regulars around puts the newcomers at ease, probably because they think: "Oh, there's a couple dudes in here, clearly he's not driving away business for any reason. Maybe I can do business here, too."
One final benefit of maintaining a swathe of regulars in the shop is the business they attract, and create. I've met with multiple people who have referred my for other jobs, other contacts, etc. These people really make up that Cigar Shop Social Network I was talking about before.
All good things accounted for, we do have some bad apples every so often. Yesterday, I had to kick out an abusive salesman who made the critical error of leaving his business card within my reach. His boss reported him to be on probationary status when I met him for a cigar this morning, I thought he had been fired, but I guess the guy has a heart. It is the Holiday Season, after all.
Lately, I've had this one Columbian lady coming in off a bicycle. She's told me a number of outright lies about her dealings with other shops in the area. Surprise, surprise, we're actually pretty tightly knit. Just because a shop is my competitor doesn't mean we don't look out for each other. It's actually on the contrary. I'm good friends with a number of other shop owners and managers around the area, and we trade business and information all the time. So this lady keeps coming in, harassing my boss and I about offering her a job, and explains that even though we're overstaffed, we don't really have to fire anyone. Her womanly touch will attract more customers to the store! Did I mention this lady rides a bicycle everywhere? The only thing she's attracting are insects, she smells like death.
In 2011 we had an issue with two Cuban guys who were able to "purchase" a bunch of stuff from us including a Dupont Lighter, two boxes of cigars, and several cutters on a hacked credit card. Their card phreaked out our terminal into running a transaction in "Forced" mode, which any retail savvy employee will tell you, means it will try to process the transaction regardless of credit status on the other end of the line. We lost 1800 dollars in product that night because our new guy at the time was on the job, and didn't know what to look for.
Finally, we come to the oddballs. Those that aren't quite harmful to the shop, but are still a little bit odd.
I mentioned our lovable Don Carlos on Reddit already, but he deserves another honorable mention here. The Don is clearly altered. He's slipping into dementia, or Alzheimers, or something. Two weeks ago, he told me he was head of the Window Washer's Union in New York City, where he responded to an accident about a man falling seventy-something stories and living, because he landed on the tips of his fingers and toes. He's reported that he told Jimmy Hoffa to "go fuck himself" on more than one occasion - four years after Mr. Hoffa went missing. He was approached about being the first white member of the Black Panthers for his interracial relations-fostering demeanor. He knows where the National Treasure is buried, because he's a grand wizard or whatever in the Freemasons.
The list goes on.
The Don doesn't set us on edge, purely because his bullshit reeks so badly you cannot possibly not smell it. He's a lovable commodity in our shop for whenever we need a good laugh, and he's not offended by this in the slightest.
Lastly, I'd like to give a mention to a gentlemen we did finally have to ask to leave permanently, Cuz.
I want to make something clear. I actually liked Cuz. The guy had a heart of gold. Unfortunately, he's also beamed up enough lines of coke in his day that he's permanently on edge. The guy carried the coffee pot for Narcotics Anonymous for two years or so, helping others and himself stay clean, and finally beat his addiction, but his longstanding abuse has left him with a bad twitch, an inability to control the sound of his voice, and a demeanor that can set people on edge.
Why did I like him? Well, Cuz and I briefly piloted a television program similar to Storage Wars. Except, instead of selling everything we found, we bought units full of sentimental value, illuminated a trail to the former owner, and gave them back everything they lost in bankruptcies, deaths of their children, etc....
The show never aired. But TLC bought the rights off Cuz. Maybe one day, it'll be a thing.
There you have it, quite the menagerie, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's like I said, though, every cigar shop has it's oddballs and regulars. Stick around long enough, and you'll find the man for any job.
-Ephram Rafael Nadaner
Current Smoke: Carlos Torano Dominican Selection
No comments:
Post a Comment